


Confession

by ladyannabethstark



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Post-S1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 09:04:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9714635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyannabethstark/pseuds/ladyannabethstark
Summary: Veronica can't sleep.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly me getting a feel for the characters. It’s sort of my first time writing for them so please be gentle with me. I know the characterization may be off but I’m working it out.

Veronica couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t exactly strange for her these days. The peace that came with knowing that Lilly’s killer was behind bars was evenly balanced with the horrible images of what her last moments were like. Veronica knew from firsthand experience exactly what Aaron Echolls’ twisted, murderous face looked like up close. The fact that it was the last thing that Lilly ever saw haunted her, especially in her dreams. Logan wasn’t an easy sleeper himself. It got worse after what happened on the bridge.

As much as Veronica hated being anywhere near the Echolls house, flinching whenever she saw one of Aaron’s movie posters on the wall or a smiling picture of the family that was never as perfect as the press made it out to be, she did it for Logan and for herself in equal measure. Sometimes the only time she could sleep was with him next to her. Sometimes, like this particular moment, even that didn’t work. So Veronica laid on the pillow, staring at the ceiling as she listened to Logan’s slow breathing. It was getting harder and harder for them to find moments like this together. It was getting harder to ignore everything that was going on.

They were almost at their breaking point, and both of them knew it. They just wouldn’t say it out loud.

Turning over slowly, Veronica managed to face him on her side without jostling him awake. His face was calm and relaxed. It was never like that when he was awake. Even when he was joking around with Dick, there was a heaviness to his gaze that aged him five years. Right now he looked his age, a young man who should have never been through so much. Reaching up, Veronica gently settled her hand over his heart and let the rise and fall of his chest control her own breathing. It wasn’t long before she felt tears gathering in her eyes, a culmination of the trauma, stress, and emotions she’d been burying since the night that Aaron locked her in a fridge and Logan showed up at her doorstep covered in blood.

“You’re scaring me,” she whispered, a tear slipping slowly down her cheek. “You are scaring the hell out of me and I don’t know what to do.”

There was no response. She knew that there wouldn’t be. With a shuddering sob, she buried her face in her hand and tried to keep as quiet as possible.

“I’m losing you, Logan. I’m watching you fade away into – into this person that I don’t even know. I’m afraid that we’re falling apart and that when we shatter, there won’t be any pieces left to pick up.”

It was easy to be completely honest with him when she knew that the stakes were low. He couldn’t hear her. She could say whatever she wanted in that moment as long as his breathing didn’t change.

“This isn’t you anymore. You’re better than this person. I’ve seen that good in you and I know that it’s still there somewhere,” Veronica broke off, wiping at her tears. “I fell for the Logan who wasn’t afraid to tell his friends that you were choosing me. Who wasn’t afraid to tell me the damn truth no matter the consequences. And now I’m losing you. So tell me what the hell I should do? Let you fade away? Lose the only thing that’s good in my life?”

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes to calm her anger. Once she did so, Veronica slowly laid down with her head replacing her hand over his heart. The steady thump of his heartbeat was all that she needed to hear now.

“I used to think that you were easy to hate,” Veronica whispered even quieter now, keeping her eyes closed. “Now I know that you’re even easier to love.”

She waited, counting out ten heartbeats as her tears soaked into his shirt.

“I wish I didn’t know that,” she admitted.

All of this would be easier if Logan Echolls weren’t so easy to love, even at his most difficult. Veronica had run out of things to say, and exhaustion was finally hitting her. Little did she know that she wasn’t the only one who had a hard time falling asleep. She was just the only one who didn’t spend her childhood perfecting the art of faking it so that he could pretend he didn’t hear his father’s drunken shouts and his mother’s cries lasting well into the night. As Logan focused on keeping his breathing level, he let Veronica’s words settle in his mind.

They made him angry. It took him a while to realize that anger wasn’t actually directed at her. It was hard to see before that the path he was on was more than just self-destructive. Now he was close to losing the one person who stood by him, who never once doubted that he didn't have anything to do with Felix's death. When he was certain that Veronica was asleep, he wrapped his arms around her carefully and made a silent promise to himself. He could, and would, do better. Not just for Veronica, who deserved better than whispered confessions and tears, but for himself, who deserved better than what he was letting himself become.

“You’re easy to love too, Veronica Mars,” Logan said quietly, stroking his fingers through her hair.

He would make sure that Veronica didn’t regret loving him anymore, no matter how long it would take her to admit it when she knew he was awake. As he finally drifted off into sleep, Logan promised himself one more thing. There was enough in this world that threatened and scared Veronica. He wouldn’t be one of those things. He would never be his father.

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to hear what you think!
> 
> tumblr - historicbellamyblake


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